Apron - age doesn't matter unless you are cheese or wine
Apron - all you need is love & a cat
Apron - all you need is love & a dog
Apron - an apple a day keeps anyone away if you can throw it hard enough
Apron - auto correct makes me say things I didn't Nintendo
Apron - chocolate comes from cocoa which is a plant therefore chocolate counts as a salad
Apron - does running late count as exercise?
Apron - don't cook bacon naked
Apron - don't worry dishes, nobody's doing me either
Apron - easily manipulated by grandkids
Apron - everything happens for a riesling
Apron - get your fat pants ready
Apron - go jump in the lake
Apron - hey I found your nose, it was in my business again
Apron - homemade with love, in other words, I licked the spoon & kept using it
Apron - I believe in chocolate for breakfast
Apron - I have a feeling my "check liver" light might come on soon
Apron - I just rescued some wine, it was trapped in a bottle
Apron - I just saw some idiot at the gym put a water bottle in the pringles holder on the treadmill
Apron - I make wine disappear. What is your superpower?
Apron - I only do what the voices in my wife's head tell her to tell me to do
Apron - I play golf everyday that ends in "y"
Apron - I run like the winded
Apron - I stay hydrated by adding ice to my wine
Apron - I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved
Apron - I want to grow my own food but I can't find any bacon seeds
Apron - I was born to be wild, but only until 9 pm or so
Apron - if I were a bird, I know who I'd shit on
Apron - if we're not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?
Apron - if you don't like my cooking, have another glass of wine
Apron - I'll have a vodka Zanax on the rocks
Apron - i gonna guac your world
Apron - I'm not old, I'm vintage
Apron - I'm not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them
Apron - I'm outdoorsy in that I like drinking on patios
Apron - I'm thankful for friends & family & that I saw which part of the turkey the dog licked
Apron - I'm thankful for you and wine
Apron - keep this kitchen clean, eat out
Apron - let's eat dad, let's eat, dad punctuation saves lives
Apron - let's eat mom, let's eat, mom punctuation saves lives
Apron - life is too short to cook for you people
Apron - life is what happen between coffee & wine
Apron - listen to your mother
Apron - lost 4 balls, found 3, I'm 1 under
Apron - may your troubles be less and your blessings be more and nothing but happiness come through your door
Apron - may your walls know joy, may every room hold laughter and every window open to great possibility.
Apron - move over coffee, this is a job for alcohol
Apron - my book club only reads wine labels
Apron - my cooking is so awesome even the smoke alarm cheers me on
Apron - my favorite thing to make for dinner is reservations
Apron - no man was ever shot while doing dishes
Apron - paper towels are jealous
Apron - there's no such thing as too much butter
Apron - today I ate a cupcake with sprinkles, diets are hard
Apron - today I will be as useless as the g in lasagna
Apron - welcome to the shit show
Apron - when I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children, just like the bottle says
Apron - Wine, because it's not good to keep things bottled up
Apron - you are the bacon to my eggs
Apron - you call them swear words, I call them sentence enhancers
Apron - your opinion is not a part of the recipe
